Further considerations for particular circumstances
4.1 Bereavement support for individual pupils
Following any significant bereavement within the family, the needs of individual pupils will need to be carefully considered by teaching staff. Often a child/young person may be off school for a few days after a death in the family. Or, they may want to return straight away to school in order to “experience normality” again and “take their mind off things”.
Decide on the most appropriate member of staff to contact the family to give condolences, establishing how the pupil is feeling about school and letting the family know that you care. A visit to the family home can also be especially helpful, and help you to get some idea of the family’s frame of mind.
What pupils need from school
- To be involved in decision making about a return to school and how to break the news to friends and classmates.
- To be engaged in asking others for what they need see appendices.
- An acknowledgement about what has happened without making a fuss.
- Adults who care and will listen. They may want to talk straight away, or not for several months but knowing adults are there and that they care is important.
Helping a child return to school after a death in the family from Winston’s Wish
‘’Whilst the student is off school, you may like to involve them in how you tell the rest of the class about what has happened. It is important that they feel they have a say in this, but it is worth gently challenging them if they suggest that no-one is told. This can be done by pointing out that others may be unknowingly insensitive, for instance, maybe asking if they have been skiving whilst off school. If there is time get the class to write letters or cards to them, assuring them of how sorry they are to hear the news, but also how much they are looking forward to them coming back. This will be a great parcel for you to deliver to the family home, and will make the return to school much easier. Keep the student informed about what has been going on in their absence. It may be helpful to think through with them about how they can answer difficult questions others might ask them, or what to say if they don’t want to talk about things at any time, for example, ‘I feel really sad he died, and I don’t feel ready to talk about it at the moment’. ]
Organise their first day back to be not quite normal. Get them to come in at break time, this way they can talk to who they want to rather than be subjected to all kinds of questioning before school. Maybe have some of their best friends meet them and chat together in the staffroom for a bit – make them feel special. © Winston’s Wish 12 Will their behaviour have changed? Maybe. This won’t be a permanent thing, but immediately after the death they may not seem their ‘normal’ self. They may: • Have less concentration • Be a lot more tired and therefore irritable • Have a heightened sensitivity to comments and remarks • Be so wrapped up in their own feelings that they fail to take the feelings of others into account, which can result in arguments and fights • Could have a lot of un-vented anger and frustration about the death It is important that you recognise that some, or all these things may happen, and that you are ready to be patient and understanding. It is also important though that normal rules and expectations of behaviour are maintained. Boundaries and a routine actually helps, and a lack of it may cause more problems within the class and amongst peers’’
© Winston’s Wish
Strategies to support pupils in class
- Child may have difficulty concentrating, set realistic work targets
- Be prepared for oscillating mood swings, this should be regarded as normal
- Provide child with discreet exit signals and a safe place to go
- Ways to communicate how they are feeling: feelings faces; hand in my pocket; post box; diary/journal
- For younger children drawings/creative work may help
- Continue to involve child with significant events
- Be sensitive to vocabulary used in class
- Inform supply teachers, peripatetic staff and lunchtime supervisors
- Good and home school links with regular communication
- Bereavement can be a life event. Child may revisit the grieving process during the normal course of development, therefore may need to revisit strategies
4.2 The EPS can offer further guidance around specific circumstances that might include:
- Sudden and unexpected death
- Death by suicide of a pupil, member of staff and parent/carer
- Managing when a pupil is terminally ill
- Violent or traumatic incidents within the community - These might include a knife attack or traffic accident that occur on or off-site involving members of the school community and which may have been witnessed by some pupil or members of staff.